The Work We Carry: Secondary Trauma, Self-Care + Staying Grounded
As Mental Health Awareness Month approaches, I’ve been reflecting on just how much so many professionals carry day after day - especially in the legal profession. This past week reminded me why this work matters so much.
Many years ago, I sat in the back of my law firm boardroom feeling completely overwhelmed. I was deep in the demands of litigation - constantly stressed, never fully able to switch off, and despite how much I was juggling on any given day, I often found myself feeling like I should somehow be handling it all better.
That day, Brian Quinn from LAWYERS CONCERNED FOR LAWYERS OF PENNSYLVANIA INC (LCL) was leading a CLE. While it goes without saying that he knocked it out of the park with his presentation, what really resonated with me wasn’t just the substantive content of his presentation. It was his willingness to be honest. His vulnerability, and his message that I wasn’t alone, gave me something I desperately needed at that time: hope. Hope that there were resources. Hope that I wasn’t broken and didn’t need to be “fixed.” Hope that I didn’t have to stay stuck in the loop of stress, worry, and self-judgment.
The seed that he planted mattered. It's what helped me to flourish and grow, not only in my work as a litigator, but in how I chose to live my life. It encouraged me to take better care of myself and allowed me to do some of my finest work in my 20-year career working as an attorney. It's what ultimately led me to the work I do now - helping attorneys and professionals reduce stress, regulate reactivity, and perform well without sacrificing their wellbeing.
Last week, I had the honor of attending the annual Association of Corporate Counsel and standing alongside Brian Quinn and Michael Yagercik - two incredible advocates who work tirelessly to support lawyers and improve the culture of our profession with LCL. I had the joy of sharing mindfulness tools to support attorneys and improve the culture of our profession. And to now stand beside the person who once helped me felt incredibly meaningful. It reminded me of something I strongly believe: We are not meant to carry this work alone.
There is another way to do this work - one that includes success, fulfillment, wellbeing, and real connection. To cultivate a deeper sense of connection with ourselves, as well as others, we need to hold space to acknowledge just how much we carry - the stress that follows us home, the emotional weight of difficult cases, and the endless pressure to keep performing, while feeling exhausted and depleted underneath it all.
This is exactly what I recently explored on Conscious Corner Podcast with Courtney with Beth Perez, LSW, ESQ, Director of Intake and Pro Bono Services at the Support Center for Child Advocates in Philadelphia. Beth works in one of the most emotionally intense areas of legal practice, and our conversation centered around something so many professionals experience but often struggle to name: secondary trauma.
She shared how, early in her career, the weight of that work led to tears, nightmares, and the feeling of carrying her clients’ pain as if it were her own. Something that she said landed in a powerful way for me:
“When your work asks a lot of your heart, your mind and body feel it too.”
That is true whether you work in litigation, mediation, family law, healthcare, leadership, or any profession where you are constantly holding space for others.
Another powerful moment came when Beth said:
“You can’t do self-care if your organization doesn’t allow you to do self-care.”
That one hits. Because while individual practices matter - breathing, boundaries, movement, mindfulness - organizational care matters too. Leaving a few pieces of candy on someone’s desk or having a team happy hour doesn’t fix burnout. A culture that respects boundaries and leadership that models wellbeing does. And some of the most meaningful support costs absolutely nothing, such as not emailing people on vacation, not expecting immediate responses after hours, and giving your people permission to take moments to pause amid the demanding and busy workday.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to listen to my latest episode of Conscious Corner with Beth on Spotify or watch it on YouTube.
While Beth’s work is in child advocacy, I see this same reality often in mediation and family law. Mediators, collaborative professionals, and divorce attorneys are constantly holding space for grief, fear, uncertainty, and conflict. They are asked to stay steady while others are unraveling. That work matters deeply. But it also takes something. You cannot continuously hold space for others without giving something back to yourself.
That’s one of the reasons I’m so looking forward to speaking at the upcoming New York State Council on Divorce Mediation annual conference. My session is centered around exactly this: how to preserve energy, reduce reactivity, and cultivate grounded communication in high-conflict, high-emotion work. Simple, practical mindfulness tools to help professionals stay centered - not just for the people they serve, but for themselves too.
The reality of the work that many of us do is that we do our best work when we’re not running on fumes.
Mental Health Awareness Month is just a few days away and it’s a powerful opportunity for organizations to move beyond awareness and into action. This is the perfect time to support your team through:
1:1 mindfulness-informed coaching
Team workshops and workplace wellness sessions
CLEs for attorneys and legal teams
Multi-week mindfulness programs
Short 15-minute drop-in reset sessions
Leadership programming focused on resilience and sustainable performance
These programs are practical, science-backed, and designed for high-performing professionals who want to work well without sacrificing themselves in the process. Taking care of your people isn’t separate from performance. It strengthens it. If Mental Health Awareness Month feels like the right time to support your team, I’d love to connect and explore how I can create a program that best aligns with the needs of you and your team.