Responding, Not Reacting: What Mindful Lawyering Looks Like in the Room Where Decisions Happen
There’s a moment in every dispute when the outcome stops being about positions and starts being about people. That’s where emotional intelligence and mindfulness change the game.
This week on Conscious Corner Podcast with Courtney, I sat down with Ari Sliffman - former litigator turned mediator/arbitrator of AJS Resolutions. We discovered early on how much our paths overlap: we both left litigation around the same time, both care deeply about our families, and both wanted our work to align with what matters most. That shared lens is exactly what we bring to the legal profession: tools that make this work more human and more effective.
What We Covered (And Why It Matters)
Outcome rigidity narrows your field of vision. When we fixate on “the number” or “the win,” we miss the emotional/relational cues that create movement. Mindfulness and emotional intelligence are powerful tools that help us to "take in the full picture" and in turn, move forward to obtain optimal outcomes for our clients.
Clients’ interests aren't always the same as lawyers’ interests. Great advocacy accounts for the human toll, not just the legal posture. Sometimes the best result is the one a client can live with - physically, emotionally, financially.
Mediators need mindfulness and emotional intelligence (EI) as much as counsel. Trust is the currency of resolution; connection is how you earn it. People won’t shift until they feel safe enough to be seen, and once they do, solutions that seemed impossible become accessible.
Reactivity is costly. Lowball authority, positional first offers, or personal friction can spike nervous systems on both sides. When that happens, creativity drops, and cases stall. Mindfulness helps us to step out reactivity and make wise, conscious decisions - for ourselves, as well as our clients.
Permission to pause is a legal skill. “On” all the time isn’t high performance. It's what makes us prone to burnout. Mindfulness gives us a lawful “reset button” in the moments that matter. When lawyers can track their own state and another person's emotional landscape, connection is cultivated, and that is what can increase the chance for reaching resolution.
Three Practices You Can Use Immediately
Give voice to the moment (quietly). Notice how you. Are you outcome-rigid or connection-oriented right now? Remember not to judge your experience. The ability to notice how you are is what gives you the choice to "see the bigger picture" and not get so "holed-up" in only what you want.
Micro-pause is not a weakness. Three relaxing sighs in the midst of a room full of strong emotions, or when dealing with difficult attorneys, is an incredible practice that can help calm the nervous system, enhance clarity and prevent rapport breakdowns.
Assume complexity, not malice. It reopens possibility and drops defensiveness. Most conflict is a tangle of fear, pressure, and unmet needs, not personal attack. When you approach it that way, you gain access to the real levers for movement.
A Story That Stuck With Me
In Ari’s very first private mediation, plaintiff’s counsel knew they weren’t getting through to the client. Ari began with small “human first” points of connection - sports, shared experience of pain treatment - and trust followed. Within an hour, a $300K spread narrowed to a workable range.
Takeaway: Emotional intelligence is not an accessory; it’s a lever.
Upcoming Opportunities To Learn More About Emotional Intelligence And Practice Mindfulness (For CLE Credit!)
Because many attorneys have a December CLE compliance deadline, this is the perfect time of year to earn credits in a way that feels meaningful and genuinely supportive, rather than just another “box to check.” Here are a few ways you can take a deeper dive and earn CLE credit.
For Women Lawyers Navigating Perimenopause/Menopause
Playing Big Without Burning Out: Mindfulness & Menopause for Women in Law | Tuesday, October 28, 2025 | 2:00-3:15 PM ET | Presented by the CAMDEN COUNTY BAR ASSOCIATION's Wellness Committee | Remote | Credit: 1.2 NJ DEI credits (with PA credit available)
I am thrilled to be co-facilitating this program with friend, psychotherapist and fellow mindfulness teacher Shonda Moralis, MSW, LCSW. It blends science-backed education with lived experience in the legal profession, including:
The physical + emotional shifts of peri/menopause
How these shifts impact clarity, stamina, and leadership
Nervous system tools you can apply immediately
A guided formal mindfulness practice
"On the Spot" practices that can be informally woven into your busy day
To register, please click here.
If this date doesn’t work, Shonda and I also customize this program for firms, companies, and teams looking to bring mindfulness-based support to their organizations. Feel free to connect with me - I’d love to chat about options for bringing this kind of support to your workplace.
For Dispute Resolution Performance
Mindful Lawyering: Emotional Intelligence in Mediation and Legal Practice | Thursday, December 4, 2025 | 12:00-1:00 PM ET | Hosted by National Academy of Continuing Legal Education (NACLE) | Live Webinar | Credit: 1.0 General
During this 1-hour CLE Ari Sliffman and I will explore how mindfulness and emotional intelligence can enhance mediation and everyday legal practice. Drawing on both litigation and dispute resolution perspectives, the session offers practical tools to help attorneys:
Navigate stressful moments with greater clarity and professionalism
Recognize when reactivity undermines communication and outcomes
Apply mindfulness strategies to pause, reset, and respond more effectively
Integrate emotional intelligence into ethical, effective lawyering
Participants will leave with concrete, actionable techniques they can immediately use in client meetings, negotiations, mediations, and daily firm interactions.
To register, please click here.
And if your firm or bar association prefers an internal training, Ari and I also bring this CLE directly to legal teams.
🎧 You can hear/watch the conversation behind this CLE now on Spotify and YouTube!
Looking For Something Experiential And Onsite?
If your organization wants something your people can feel, my partnership with Shortcut brings on-site wellness experiences to workplaces during the holidays, including:
Mindfulness workshop (for CLE credit)
Chair massage
Headshots
Hair
Nails
Pre-Holiday Glam Package
Plus, discounted pricing on 2026 wellness activations for holiday bookings
It’s a meaningful way to give your people a pause that actually restores them, not just another calendar event. Here's a glimpse of the magic that can be delivered right to your office.
Bonus Resource: My Free Mindfulness E-Workbook
Lastly, if you want practical tools you can use right away to step out of reactivity and incline yourself in the direction of greater ease, get a free copy of my Mindfulness E-Workbook. Get your copy here!
Wishing you a wonderful weekend and many, many moments of ease as we approach the busy holiday season!
🩷 Courtney