From Fight-or-Flight to Clear Thinking: Lessons from Deena Betze & Bruce Matez

🌍 Beyond World Mental Health Day

Yesterday was World Mental Health Day. It's a helpful reminder to pause and care for ourselves. But real change happens when well-being isn’t confined to a single day. In high-stress, high-stakes professions, we need these principles every day.

When organizations make well-being a daily priority:

• Teams feel cared for and supported

• Psychological safety grows

• Connection deepens among colleagues

• Culture improves and so does the quality of work

💡Lessons from my conversation with Deena Betze & Bruce Matez

On a recent episode of my podcast show Conscious Corner Podcast with Courtney, two of South Jersey’s most respected family law professionals - Deena L. Betze and Bruce Matez, Esq. APM of Weir LLP - shared insights that speak directly to mental health and sustainable performance.

1) Fight-or-Flight Blocks Problem-Solving

“They’re in their lizard brain - fight or flight - and they can’t do this high-concept stuff… and neither can the attorneys if they get into it.”

Why it matters: When we’re reactive, we lose access to the clarity and higher-level thinking our work requires.

Mindfulness move: Giving ourselves permission to pause, check in, and notice reactivity is what allows us to recenter, recharge - enabling higher-level problem-solving.

2) A Simple Antidote to Reactivity

“I’ll write the response…then sit on it, put it away, do something else, come back to it, show it to a colleague…I don’t want to react emotionally. Don’t hit send yet. Once you hit send in reactivity, you can’t take it back.”

Why it matters: All it takes is one mindless step in a case to cause the entire matter to unravel. This also holds true in the relationships built around our work.

Mindfulness move: When we create space to step out of reactivity and notice how we are, we can find ways to care for ourselves, which supports wiser action and better outcomes for clients.

3) The System Is Stressed and So Are People

“One stat: 28% of lawyers surveyed said they considered leaving the profession.”

Why it matters: The numbers are sobering. The profession is not sustainable if we continue a "grind it out" mentality.

Mindfulness move: The path forward isn’t about eliminating stressors. Mindfulness won't make them disappear, but it can change our relationship to them. That can be profoundly liberating and open us to new possibilities in both work and life.

4) Boundaries Are Part of Service

“I try never to text with clients…I have to have some private time so my cup isn’t so full that I have nothing left when it’s time to be there for the client.”

Why it matters: When lawyers overwork, feel perpetually overwhelmed, and don't take time for themselves, it affects the quality of their work. Lawyers are human and need downtime to rest and replenish.

Mindfulness move: Boundaries protect presence. Presence enhances performance. Taking time to disconnect and recharge the body and mind isn't selfish; it's essential.

5) Colleagues as “Reality Checks”

“I can rely on Bruce as my red flag: ‘Can you talk me off the ledge? Is this too much?’ We’ve done that with each other forever.”

Why it matters: Working in competitive, high-stakes professions can leave us feeling isolated, stressed-out and alone.

Mindfulness move: Trusted peers reduce isolation, normalize stress, and lower the temperature before conflicts escalate.

➡️ Three Micro-Practices You Can Start Today

(1) Three Relaxing Sighs

Take three relaxing sighs in between tasks, hearings, or emails. Inhale gently through the nose and exhale through the mouth, letting each out-breath release tension. You might imagine stress melting down through the body and out through the soles of your feet.

(2) The “Draft + Delay” Rule

Before sending a fiery email, pause and notice whether you feel reactive in your body or mind. Don’t hit send yet. Walk, breathe, or ask a colleague’s opinion. Then decide whether it's skillful to send as-is, or wiser to revise.

(3) One Meeting, One Mind

Before mediations or negotiations, give yourself 5–15 minutes to settle. As Bruce puts it: clear your head so you can be calm, centered, and focused on the people in front of you.

🌟 Core truth: Mindfulness gives us the tools to pause, center ourselves, and step out of reactivity. When the body is settled, the mind can see more clearly, and the hard work becomes possible.

📆 For Leaders: Make Well-Being Daily, Not Annual

World Mental Health Day plants seeds. But real culture change happens when we water the seeds daily - through protected focus time, human-centered communication, realistic workloads, and shared wellness practices. When companies invest consistently, people feel cared for and performance, trust, and retention follow.

🎧 Listen/Watch to My Full Conversation with Bruce + Deena Now!

• Spotify

• YouTube

💻 Interested in Connecting with Bruce + Deena?

You can check out their bios here!

📘 A Small Step You (or Your Team) Can Take Now

Grab my free Mindfulness E-Workbook - short practices to reduce reactivity and build presence. Teams can take 15 minutes together to reconnect and reset.

👉🏻 Bring This Work to Your Organization

I partner with firms and companies to teach practical tools for high-pressure moments - on your feet at trial, inside contentious negotiations, and when managing difficult colleagues or clients. If you’d like to explore a workshop or tailored program for your team, let’s connect.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

~ Courtney